East Indian Community Funeral Etiquettes

Posted By  : Ashley Dsouza  ( Author )

Profane as it may seems During our Grand parents and Fore fathers time funerals were actually an occasions to meet and greet and make mental notes of a suitable boy or girl as a prospective match , During olden days our Ancestors / Forefathers / Mothers would journey from vast distances , For example Byculla to Gorai or Vasai to Thana in those days took half a day , The guest had to be fed sometimes for 3 days or 7 days upto what was called the 3rd day and the 7th day Mass (Saat-Ya- Ch - Mis ) Afternoons and Evenings were reserved for prayers , while the women cooked , The men often drank themselves silly , resorting to theatrical reminiscences grief combined with Chaunis of Khimad or Queimada , Which helped them to wax eloquent on the many virtues of the departed soul .

The East Indian Holy Cross Death benefit society Mahim was established in 1917 and a large membership that has benefited thousands of people , , ( Its Founders Rev Fr. J B D'Silva president was Ignatius Mendonca and Secretary Mr F.M.Kinny )

Rev Fr J.B.D'Silva hailed from Mahim, Bombay. He studied for the priesthood at Damaun and received his first appointment in St. Michael's Church, Mahim. Served in Kolle Kalyan, Thana, Manickpur, Manori, Nandakal, and in 1931 returned to Mahim ,

Holy Cross Death Benefit Society were credited to come up with the idea of collecting monthly Pooling from every East Indian Community Parish Members So that at the time of untimely death the deceased members of the family would withdraw the funds for the funeral. and would manage a decent burial for the kin paid by East Indian Holy Cross Death Benefit society bearing all the cost of the funeral .

What is a Catholic Funeral?

As Christians, Catholics believe in the afterlife. As such, their funerals center upon prayers for the deceased’s soul. And they typically include a Mass during the Catholic funeral service.

A Catholic funeral is a religious service held for someone of the Catholic faith who has passed away. It serves an important function for the survivors, who believe that the soul lives on after death.

That’s a belief shared by all Christians, whose faith dictates that, depending on how righteous a life you lived, your soul continues on in either Heaven or Hell. However, Catholics believe in a third destination for the soul ( Purgatory ) Purgatory is for souls who have committed forgivable sins during their lifetime, and who may eventually end up in Heaven.

Therefore, to encourage such forgiveness, the Catholic funeral is a time to appeal to God to be merciful on the deceased person’s soul. With this in mind, you should expect there to be a lot of prayers said at the Catholic funeral you will be attending. There will likely be much talk of the deceased now being with God in Heaven, As a way to comfort those who are grieving.

Burial and Autopsies

Traditionally Catholics Bury their Loved Ones , Catholics believe at the end of time all bodies will rise from the grave to enter the kingdom of Heaven. Autopsies are allowed in present times and some of the Catholics actually see them as an act of charity, a concept which is central to their faith. Embalming is also allowed.

In present times Funeral Undertaker & Sculptor takes care of all funeral arrangements from the time a death certificate is produced by the family up until the body is lowered into the ground and covered with Earth.

“Lots of people prefer keeping the body in a mobile morgue in their home nowadays ( Refrigerated Coffin ) that can keep a body “fresh” for up to four days, without needing to be placed in a hospital morgue. “It gives them more time to say goodbye.”

Then there is the prepping of body for funeral the cleaning and dressing of the deceased person , whether male or female, using the clothes that the families selects to dress them up . The men often have to be given a shave and the women’s hair combed and neatly arranged. While the natural deaths are easy to handle, deaths caused by accidents, fires, or other injuries make the task considerably more daunting.

After the body is cleaned and dressed, it is eventually placed in a wooden coffin: Catholics can choose from basic plywood boxes that are priced at Rs 5,000 all the way through to the gleaming, polished coffins that are closer to Rs 50,000. Add in the cost for Transportation , a Band, Grave Digging, and Flowers, and funerals these days have become prohibitively an expensive affair

The Wakes

Holding a Wake before a Catholic funeral is a popular tradition. It may be held several hours before the funeral and it usually takes place at night. In Bombay our East Indian Community goes on for just a few hours. There may be a Vigil Service, which is the Catholic religious term for a wake. The Vigil Service takes place during the wake or the visitation/viewing period, which occurs at a funeral home.

Catholic Funeral Etiquette

The atmosphere at a Catholic funeral is typically somber and respectful, so people who attend the funeral should dress accordingly Black , Light Blue or Dark Blue or White is the General colour of the Clothing for any catholic Funeral .

When young Boy / Girl dies Non married they are laid in Pure White Coffin , They are worn White Suit for Boys and White Gown for Girls , For Teenagers and Small Children White Cross fixed on the grave

When an Adult married person dies they are laid generally in Purple coloured coffin , Very few who can afford go for Wooden Polished coffin , Men are worn perferably Black Suit , While a Woman is draped in Saree or lugra , For Married Men or Women Black Cross is fixed on the Grave

Bringing in flowers for the deceased is always appreciated, Ring Cross and Bouquet of flowers is common for most of the funerals

As per the Tradition for 7th day Mass , Months Mind Mass , 6 Month Mass , or Annual Mass traditionally the House of the deceased cooked Mutton Kalji Curry , Pomfret Aksal , Vegetable, Handmade Rice Rotis , Bread and Steamed Rice With Tea and Biscuits , This was traditionally served to the incoming Guest on these particular days

It was a general practice of our Great Grand father and Grandmas that the house of the deceased didn’t Celebrate any Festivities such as Christmas , Easter or any other religious feast in that matter , Annivasaries , Birthdays or Weddings all these celebrations were avoided and resisted for atleast 1 year

And similarly Dress and clothings worn by the House members were strictly Black , Light Blue or Dark Blue in Colour and this too was strictly adhered for period of 1 year as well

The Funeral Band

There was a time in Bombay when every East Indian family compulsorily had to book and call a funeral Band for their deceased family member

Why do we have a Band Playing , That because every human being goes through so much in Earthly Life , We all end up as sinners and we all are going to die one day , All our suffering comes to an end on that day when we pass off from this world , we go to the Lord Almighty , We are in the hands of the almighty And that is the better kingdom for all of us , A place where we are not going to suffer anymore , We as human beings get happiness with all kinds of music , Music is also one way of life which gives so much of peaceful things . So this is the main reasons why We have Funeral Band playing music for Funerals

During Olden times “Even if the deceased person was in the hospital, it is to be brought home before going to the church. , During 60’s and 70’s The Band Masters would all be invited back to the house for lunch and the band would always get a shot of khimad,” Hot, spiced coconut liquor that was common among East Indian Catholics.

Starting off with a session of up to two hours at the home of the deceased, The band accompanies the funeral procession to the graveyard and stays until the body is lowered into the ground. Mostly playing for the East Indian and Goan Catholic communities

What is the Rite of committal?

The Graves are dug no more than four feet deep.

The final stage of a Catholic funeral is the Rite of Committal. It often takes place at the cemetery but may also be part of the funeral service at the church. Either way, this is the final rite, where the priest officially commits the body to the earth and everyone says their final goodbyes.

Remembrances

It is customary to distribute some kind of small remembrance cards during Wakes or Funerals. It is a good idea to remember that the deceased is best served by our prayers, so a prayer, Scripture passage or holy image would be helpful to incorporate into any such mementos.

Since the Catholic funeral rites do not usually envisage the opportunity for Eulogies at the funeral Mass, The vigil is often a fitting time for those wishing to speak a word in memory or in honor of the deceased. if anyone hopes to share some words of remembrance.

Dukhi Sukhi

The Funeral house performs this age old Reeti Reevaj of Prayers for 7 consecutive days for deceased Soul , Only very close family members gather in the evening to say a Rosary, In Olden times the house of the deceased cooked meals for all 7 days , But these days due to cost of high living , Each family member contributes and brings in 1 dish along with them which they spread it out on a dining table and share this meal after the prayers

The Meal can consist of Meat , Chicken , Fish , Vegetable with Bread , Rowtys or Rice

After the Saat-Ya-Ch -Mis , Any day after 7th day Mass Traditionally The house of the deceased Members are invited for a Meal it could be the Widow / Widower and their Family Members to His/Her Closest Family Members House , During Olden times the Widow / Widowers or the Family Members Feets were washed , they were anointed with Holy Oil on their foreheads and presented with Black or Blue Coloured Clothings , But in present times Washing of the feet doesn’t take place instead they are welcomed and presented with Black or Blue Coloured Clothings , A Meal is especially prepared for the deceased family Members that includes with Traditional East Indian Sweet

The Masses

First and foremost, we show our love for the dead through our prayer. A centuries-old custom is to celebrate a Mass for the deceased Soul ( Saat-Ya-Ch -Mis ) 7th Day Mass Which is attended Basically by very close Family members and Relatives of the Deceased Family ,

The E.I. Community have never shifted the Seven Day Mass of the departed soul to Months Mind Mass it is simply the need of the hour today to accommodate Masses for everybody the Goans, Mangolarian, etc. Also shortage of priests. Due to small famalies hardly any boys are joining the priesthood.

On the seventh day there was a custom where the close relatives would go and apply coconut juice to the hair of the bereaved and house was filled with sadness and mourning. Food was prepared such as kanji curry with all mixed veg and roasted dry bombil or vakties. So slowly it's all dying off or gone you can say with time constraints. Fast moving world and heavy changes ño land no cottages all vanished in thin air.

Then on the ( Mahinya – Ch - Mis ) one-month anniversary of his or her death, called a Month’s Mind Mass Where we invite the Same Mourners who attended the Funeral which generally come in large numbers , Here the Funeral House accommodates the guest either at their Residence if its big enough , or book one small community hall where after the Mass and Visit to the Graveyard , People gather to say a short prayer for the deceased Soul , The Visiting Guest is offered a Refreshment of Snacks or Meal not too elaborate , Especially For those who came a long way for the Mass , Then it is also customary in some families to arrange 6 months Mind Mass and 1 year annual Mass which only close family members and relatives attend , Intentions for the deceased can be fixed perhaps on their birthday, anniversary or death date. We can also obtain indulgences for them, such as the indulgence available for visiting a cemetery during November, a month the Church traditionally sets aside to pray for the dead.

Author  : Ashley Dsouza